Wise Words No. 1: Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Ice Cube: not the world's foremost thinker but wise nonetheless.

It's always good to have a word with yourself, even if it does border on verbal self-abuse, sometimes, someone has to tell you when you're being a chump. So when behaving like said chump, try adopting one of the following mantras:

- Get over yourself
- Stop being a twat
- I don't even like you right now
- Grow a pair/Man up

The trick is to keep repeating them until delirium kicks in and laughter overrides. This could classed as checking oneself before wrecking oneself. But sometimes the lure of self-destruction is too great, so...

You bug all your friends and act like a brat, then you turn to the girl who indirectly made you into the twat you're being in the first place whilst she tries to enjoy her holiday, break down to her about how much you suck and stop in awe when she says something that wraps itself around your heart and hugs tightly.

And then you go back to your mantra, repeat it once and laugh, because the only other option is to cry. There's saving grace and there's being saved by the grace of others.

So do us all a favour; get over yourself and stop being a twat.